# of Dates: 2 (ish)
Status: No Contact
A few weeks ago, I went to watch a football game at a local sports bar. I decided to smile more, be more approachable, and be open to small talk. I saw this so you can have some context.
Raised in south Florida — population heavily influenced with the sounds and beats of other cultures — I’ve been conditioned that when I go out, you don’t really smile. You may flirt with your eyes and a smirk, but it’s unlike a sports bar experience. What I learned last year, local bars are heavy on the small talk and beer flowing. I’m not saying it’s new to me given I lived in Portland, ME. But I don’t really hang out at sports bars. But after asking people around where single locals hang out, I decided I had to step out my comfort zone.
My decision to step out my comfort zone included being more approachable, drinking “buds” and engaging in small talk. This time, it must have worked. I was outgoing, smiled, and ended up chatting with a tall, blue-eyed man with a pretty smile and a sense of humor. His way of breaking the ice was to joke that my friend took his seat. I played along with the joke, and before I knew it, my friend and I were sitting 3rd row, 50th yard line at the BSU game. I’ll admit – the game was so much fun, especially since my friend never been to a BSU game.
If you’re wondering, he had extra tickets because his date at the time cancelled last minute.
Through our small talk conversation, he mentioned that he was a deputy sheriff. He even made a cute joke about “officer and lawyer” when I told him I went to law school.
After the game, my friend and I ended up back at the sports bar to find Mr. Officer to thank him for the tickets. Lo and behold, he was at the bar. Alone.
His friends decided to take the party on the road.
Mr. Officer, my friend and I decided to head downtown to grab something to eat. We originally wanted to go to The Reef, but to our dismay it was closed.
We ended up at Old Chicago for some late-night grub. I wasn’t in the mood for pizza, but I made it work. Toward the end of the night , Mr. Officer asked if we could “hang out” sometime and asked for my number. I smiled and without hesitation, gave him my number.
Sounds like a good story so far, right? Nothing crazy.
Well, except for him telling us that he is “fixed” and can’t have any more kids. He doesn’t want any more and rather date someone who already has kids.
Stop. Say what now?
Ummm.. first of all, too soon to mention that? Maybe. Even if not too soon, a lot during dinner. I don’t think we even got to the “ex” part of the conversation yet.
And secondly, I didn’t want to dive into whether I wanted children during that conversation. We were having fun, drinking, and eating. ( I do want children, by the way. In case you were wondering).
I didn’t want to make that comment a big deal because I just met him and we had yet to go on our first date.
First Date Jitters
Because I didn’t meet him on Tinder or some other ridiculous app , I was legitimately nervous about my date. For those who have met me in-person, I’m outgoing and enjoy meeting people. But there are moments when I get shy. I mean shyyyyyyy. Like that I-need-to-look-away type of shy. Mr. Officer suggested we go see It the Movie whenever I returned from my work trip.
Oohhh, scary movie for a first date? Yes I love it.
Oh c’mon , it’s ideal. You get to flinch and get close to your date. Which is exactly what I did. We first met at the Matador at the Village. Nothing like an adult beverage to calm your nerves. Soon thereafter, we headed over to the movie theater to get our seats. Mr. Officer was a gentleman and paid, for both the drinks and the movie tickets.
Aside from It being a strange and creepy movie, I’d said the first date was a success.
During the week prior to our movie date, and afterwards toward my birthday, he kept texting me.
Asking me when I was going to Vegas for work because he wouldn’t mind joining me.
Asking me if I ever been to Haunted World because we could go together.
Asking me if I ever been to Jackpot, NV for gambling.
Asking me how my day was at work.
If you haven’t caught on, he would do nothing but ask me about future plans and seemed eager to do them together.
Again – nothing is weird with this dating story so far, right? You’re probably thinking
Diana…c’mon now. Get to the good stuff.
Fine, you got it!
Never Been With A ___________ Before
Disclaimer: the next few sections I’m going to be talking about my own experiences in Boise that I haven’t spoken about in my dating blogs. I didn’t feel the need to because I wanted to keep my blog posts entertaining. But I think with this recent dating experience, it’s fair to shed light on a few things.
On my birthday, Mr. Officer offered to meet me at one of the local bars for a birthday drink. He ended up meeting me at Hannah’s and bought me a drink. He was out with friends to watch BSU play. All was fine & dandy until he started talking about how he never lived outside of Idaho. He probably won’t anytime soon given his custody arrangement with his ex-wife.
Not strange at all. I know plenty of people who lived in one state all their life.
Little did I know that this comment was leading to another statement of how he never been with (which he later corrected by saying “hung out with”) a woman of color. He said “black girl” then again corrected himself and said “Spanish woman.”
Hmmm….what to say to that?
My only way to respond was with oh yeah? That’s interesting. he continued to say that he always liked women of different backgrounds but Boise didn’t really have much when he was growing up. I thought
Ok, good to know. I appreciate your candor and honesty.
The conversation stayed on race for a little longer. He asked me if I dated outside my race, and I laughed saying I’m from south Florida, where it’s a melting pot. I directly answered by saying yes, I dated someone who is white. Fortunately, the conversation shifted when a song came on (Despacito, no less).
Before I knew it, it was time for me to head home. My brother (fortunately) met me at Tom Grainey’s and we walked to our car.
Here’s the thing: I understand that I don’t live in South Florida. I’m cognizant of where I live. I lived in New England where diversity is not as prominent as West Palm Beach, Florida. Despite this awareness, it’s not always easy to deal with certain uncomfortable situations:
- My curly hair has been “patted” and touched like I’m a cat. A man while leaving a bar stroked my head and said it’s so soft like my cat’s fur
- I was minding my business at a local bar (I won’t mention where), when I felt someone grab my right arm forcing me to dance with him to Despacito (I guess this song is an open invitation to dance with anyone who looks Hispanic because of course we want to dance to it). Rather than acknowledging that he startled me, he whispered in my ear that I need to relax and that he wasn’t like every “corny white guy” in Boise.
- Could I cross off being with a black girl off his bucket list? (no, this is not a joke)
- Being told that he voted for Obama and does that qualify him to make me want to date him. Soon after asking me that, he dropped an entire PBR on my leg with no intention of picking it up.
- Constantly told how exotic I look (I guess it’s a compliment, but not when it’s repeated over and over by the same person and the inappropriate time & place).
- Never seen a black girl with freckles before
I say this because I want to give you some context to what I have to say next. It’s not like I haven’t been told something similar to what I’ve mentioned before. It just seems to me it’s been happening more frequently than I’d like. For those who are open-minded when it comes to dating, please understand this. If you meet someone from another race or ethnicity from yours, and they are showing interest, I don’t think it’s wise to start off any any discussion about “have you been with a ________ before?” Unless the person asks. If I asked Mr. Officer whether he’s dating/talked to someone outside his race, I’m curious and want to have a discussion with it. I’m only speaking from my experience, but that type of comment makes the person uncomfortable.
And this goes two ways. My 2nd serious boyfriend in my life is white. He is 6’4, with deep blue eyes, and surfer tan skin. He was also raised in Naperville, IL and apparently raised around all types of cultures/races. That said, when I first met him, I kept saying comments in a joking way like I never dated a white guy before or you must like mixed girls if you’re talking to me.
I’m cringing as I write these comments because I can’t believe I said that.
My ex finally said something and told me it made him uncomfortable when I said those comments. It made him feel as though race was a big part of our relationship. I failed to realize he constantly thought he wasn’t good enough because of his race. Or he felt insecure when we would be out in public (yes, even in Fort Lauderdale, FL). I didn’t need to add to his feelings by making my own insensitive comments, regardless if a joke or not.
I was younger, of course, but I learned a valuable lesson then. That lesson is what I brought with me to Portland, ME. I ended up having some weird situations while I lived there too. But the situations were few and far between.
Fast-forward to now, I don’t talk to Mr. Officer anymore. He did text me apologizing for being MIA because he’s been sick. And I got some random SnapChat photo of his groin area (he was wearing jeans). He immediately messaged me saying “Sorry, my SnapChat is acting up.” My brother thinks it was mistake photo, but still.
I’m taking a break from dating in Boise. I truly am. I have so much more positive elements in my life to focus on that dating isn’t a priority. At least not in Boise. If I end up going on a date, I need for him to “wow” me. Make me stop in my tracks. Impress me with his desire to spend time & get to know me. Until then, I highly doubt I’ll have any dating stories to share in the near future. Don’t worry – I’ll have some fun Dating in the BOI stories to share that are not mine. I’ll even host some Dating in the BOI activities.
But as for me, I’m signing off as the primary dating blogger.