Dating in the BOI: Mr. Officer 

 

App: None

# of Dates: 2 (ish)

Status: No Contact


A few weeks ago,  I went to watch a football game at a local sports bar. I decided to smile more, be more approachable, and be open to small talk. I saw this so you can have some context.

Raised in south Florida — population heavily influenced with the sounds and beats of other cultures — I’ve been conditioned that when I go out, you don’t really smile. You may flirt with your eyes and a smirk, but it’s unlike a sports bar experience. What I learned last year, local bars are heavy on the small talk and beer flowing. I’m not saying it’s new to me given I lived in Portland, ME. But I don’t really hang out at sports bars.  But after asking people around where single locals hang out, I decided I had to step out my comfort zone.


My decision to step out my comfort zone included being more approachable, drinking “buds” and engaging in small talk. This time, it must have worked. I was outgoing, smiled, and ended up chatting with a tall, blue-eyed man with a pretty smile and a sense of humor. His way of breaking the ice was to joke that my friend took his seat. I played along with the joke, and before I knew it, my friend and I were sitting 3rd row, 50th yard line at the BSU game. I’ll admit – the game was so much fun, especially since my friend never been to a BSU game.


If you’re wondering, he had extra tickets because his date at the time cancelled last minute.

Insert violins.

Through our small talk conversation, he mentioned that he was a deputy sheriff. He even made a cute joke about “officer and lawyer” when I told him I went to law school.
After the game, my friend and I ended up back at the sports bar to find Mr. Officer to thank him for the tickets. Lo and behold, he was at the bar. Alone.

His friends decided to take the party on the road.


Mr. Officer, my friend and I decided to head downtown to grab something to eat. We originally wanted to go to The Reef, but to our dismay it was closed.


We ended up at Old Chicago for some late-night grub. I wasn’t in the mood for pizza, but I made it work. Toward the end of the night , Mr. Officer asked if we could “hang out” sometime and asked for my number. I smiled and without hesitation, gave him my number.

Sounds like a good story so far, right? Nothing crazy.


Well, except for him telling us that he is “fixed” and can’t have any more kids. He doesn’t want any more and rather date someone who already has kids.


Stop. Say what now?


Ummm.. first of all, too soon to mention that? Maybe. Even if not too soon, a lot during dinner. I don’t think we even got to the “ex” part of the conversation yet.


And secondly, I didn’t want to dive into whether I wanted children during that conversation. We were having fun, drinking, and eating. ( I do want children,  by the way. In case you were wondering).

I didn’t want to make that comment a big deal because I just met him and we had yet to go on our first date.


First Date Jitters

Because I didn’t meet him on Tinder or some other ridiculous app , I was legitimately nervous about my date. For those who have met me in-person, I’m outgoing and enjoy meeting people. But there are moments when I get shy. I mean shyyyyyyy. Like that I-need-to-look-away type of shy.  Mr. Officer suggested we go see It the Movie whenever I returned from my work trip.

Oohhh, scary movie for a first date? Yes I love it.

Oh c’mon , it’s ideal. You get to flinch and get close to your date. Which is exactly what I did. We first met at the Matador at the Village. Nothing like an adult beverage to calm your nerves. Soon thereafter, we headed over to the movie theater to get our seats. Mr. Officer was a gentleman and paid, for both the drinks and the movie tickets.

Aside from It being a strange and creepy movie, I’d said the first date was a success.


During the week prior to our movie date, and afterwards toward my birthday, he kept texting me.

Asking me when I was going to Vegas for work because he wouldn’t mind joining me.

Asking me if I ever been to Haunted World because we could go together.

Asking me if I ever been to Jackpot, NV  for gambling.

Asking me how my day was at work.

If you haven’t caught on, he would do nothing but ask me about future plans and seemed eager to do them together.

Again – nothing is weird with this dating story so far, right? You’re probably thinking

Diana…c’mon now. Get to the good stuff.

Fine, you got it!


Never Been With A  ___________ Before

Disclaimer: the next few sections I’m going to be talking about my own experiences in Boise that I haven’t spoken about in my dating blogs. I didn’t feel the need to because I wanted to keep my blog posts entertaining. But I think with this recent dating experience,  it’s fair to shed light on a few things.

On my birthday, Mr. Officer offered to meet me at one of the local bars for a birthday drink. He ended up meeting me at Hannah’s and bought me a drink. He was out with friends to watch BSU play. All was fine & dandy until he started talking about how he never lived outside of Idaho. He probably won’t anytime soon given his custody arrangement with his ex-wife.

Not strange at all. I know plenty of people who lived in one state all their life. 

Little did I know that this comment was leading to another statement of how he never been with (which he later corrected by saying “hung out with”) a woman of color. He said “black girl” then again corrected himself and said “Spanish woman.”


Hmmm….what to say to that?

My only way to respond was with oh yeah? That’s interesting. he continued to say that he always liked women of different backgrounds but Boise didn’t really have much when he was growing up. I thought

Ok, good to know. I appreciate your candor and honesty.


The conversation stayed on race for a little longer. He asked me if I dated outside my race, and I laughed saying I’m from south Florida, where it’s a melting pot.  I directly answered by saying yes, I dated someone who is white.  Fortunately, the conversation shifted when a song came on (Despacito, no less).


Before I knew it, it was time for me to head home. My brother (fortunately) met me at Tom Grainey’s and we walked to our car.


Here’s the thing: I understand that I don’t live in South Florida. I’m cognizant of where I live. I lived in New England where diversity is not as prominent as West Palm Beach, Florida.  Despite this awareness, it’s not always easy to deal with certain uncomfortable situations:

  • My curly hair has been “patted” and touched like I’m a cat. A man while leaving a bar stroked my head and said it’s so soft like my cat’s fur
  • I was minding my business at a local bar (I won’t mention where), when I felt someone grab my right arm forcing me to dance with him to Despacito (I guess this song is an open invitation to dance with anyone who looks Hispanic because of course we want to dance to it). Rather than acknowledging that he startled me, he whispered in my ear that I need to relax and that he wasn’t like every “corny white guy” in Boise.
  • Could I cross off being with a black girl off his bucket list? (no, this is not a joke)
  • Being told that he voted for Obama and does that qualify him to make me want to date him. Soon after asking me that, he dropped an entire PBR on my leg with no intention of picking it up.
  • Constantly told how exotic I look (I guess it’s a compliment, but not when it’s repeated over and over by the same person and the inappropriate time & place).
  • Never seen a black girl with freckles before

I say this because I want to give you some context to what I have to say next. It’s not like I haven’t been told something similar to what I’ve mentioned before. It just seems to me it’s been happening more frequently than I’d like. For those who are open-minded when it comes to dating, please understand this. If you meet someone from another race or ethnicity from yours, and they are showing interest, I don’t think it’s wise to start off any  any discussion about “have you been with a ________ before?” Unless the person asks. If I asked Mr. Officer whether he’s dating/talked to someone outside his race, I’m curious and want to have a discussion with it.  I’m only speaking from my experience, but that type of comment makes the person uncomfortable.


And this goes two ways. My 2nd serious boyfriend in my life is white. He is 6’4, with deep blue eyes, and surfer tan skin. He was also raised in Naperville, IL and apparently raised around all types of cultures/races. That said, when I first met him, I kept saying comments in a joking way like I never dated a white guy before or you must like mixed girls if you’re talking to me.

I’m cringing as I write these comments because I can’t believe I said that.


My ex finally said something and told me it made him uncomfortable when I said those comments. It made him feel as though race was a big part of our relationship. I failed to realize he constantly thought he wasn’t good enough because of his race. Or he felt insecure when we would be out in public (yes, even in Fort Lauderdale, FL).  I didn’t need to add to his feelings by making my own insensitive comments, regardless if a joke or not.


I was younger, of course, but I learned a valuable lesson then. That lesson is what I brought with me to Portland, ME. I ended up having some weird situations while I lived there too. But the situations were few and far between.


 

Fast-forward to now, I don’t talk to Mr. Officer anymore. He did text me apologizing for being MIA because he’s been sick. And I got some random SnapChat photo of his groin area (he was wearing jeans). He immediately messaged me saying “Sorry, my SnapChat is acting up.”  My brother thinks it was mistake photo, but still.

Weird.

 


 

I’m taking a break from dating in Boise. I truly am. I have so much more positive elements in my life to focus on  that dating isn’t a priority. At least not in Boise. If I end up going on a date, I need for him to “wow” me. Make me stop in my tracks. Impress me with his desire to spend time & get to know me. Until then, I highly doubt I’ll have any dating stories to share in the near future. Don’t worry – I’ll have some fun Dating in the BOI stories to share that are not mine. I’ll even host some Dating in the BOI activities.

But as for me, I’m signing off as the primary dating blogger.

 

 

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Dating in the BOI: Ms. Negative

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Dating in the BOI is BACK!

I know – it’s been some time. I just haven’t been really dating.

I go out.

I get a “wink” on my inactive Match (plow to get me to return)

I might get a “match” on that Tinder app.

Nothing blog worthy.

Till now.


 

From now on,  I’m switching up the game. I’m sharing YOUR dating stories in the BOI.  YOU have probably so many to share, and this is dedicated to you.

Today’s blog entry is about Ms. Negative.  Glenn went on a date with Ms. Negative, and this is his story…


 

App Used: Tinder

# of Dates: 1

Dater: Glenn, a 26 year old 6’2 white male living in Boise, Idaho


 

I’ve decided to write about the
dating life so that you can understand how freaking weird it can be.
Here are my wonderful stories.

I met Ms. Negative on Tinder (this will be a recurring theme), she was
Cuban, cute and claimed to be an actress. We matched up and then did
the typical tinder dance of texting and snapping each other for a week
to make sure we weren’t being catfished. Honestly everything seemed to
be looking pretty good, so we agreed to meet for dinner in The
Village[ of Meridian] .


We had agreed to meet at 7 so I showed up at 6:30 and
awkwardly sat in my car for 25 minutes and then called her to say

I had just shown up.


Surprisingly she didn’t answer my call so I shot
her a text in which she responded  lost my credit card. I can’t come. 

 

Alright… I wasn’t really expecting her to pay, but whatever.

 

I explained that to her that she wouldn’t be paying, but she claims she’d
still need it. Fair enough. Well,  20 mins later she finally finds her
credit card and I said I’d be willing to wait (1st hint that I should
have left). What I didn’t know is that she lived 45 minutes away, so
at around 8:30 she finally shows up.


We finally sat down at the bar to get a drink and she of course
orders the strongest and largest margarita I’ve ever seen. After the
first awkward 5 minutes she begins to open up. To most people this
would mean talking about your goals, your friends, school or whatever
other normal non crazy people talk about.

Nope, not even close.

Ms. Negative on the other hand decided to tell me about how she’s still in love with her ex, how she hates her parents, how she wishes she could afford to go to Australia and that Idaho is the worst  (2nd hint i should have left)


This goes on for a solid 15 minutes before I finally interject and ask if there’s anything positive happening in her life? She just claimed her life is the worst and that she couldn’t wait to leave this “shit hole state.”


 

During her entire negative and depressing monologue I
managed to share that I was getting ready to interview with the Police
Department the next week .


 

As the “date” (if you even wanna call it that) progressed so did her
consumption of margaritas. She was three deep and I could tell that
they were taking their toll. We continued to only talk about her for
another 35 minutes (3rd hint I should have left) when she says she’s
this was somewhat fun, but she was ready to leave. Now I should
explain it was in November in Idaho, so it’s like 14 degrees out. I
did the polite thing and walked her to her car. Classic me I had
parked on the complete other side of the village, so here I was
standing outside her car freezing my balls off.


She offered to give me a ride, but followed up with

Oh you’re trying to be a cop right? Is
it a problem that I have like a lot of drugs in my car

I said

oh like I get it everyone smokes weed, no worries.

She hit me with

nah like I have a lot of different things in there.

 

I got real sketched out and made a break for it.

No goodbye

No kiss

No hug

 

Just me making a b line for my car. You never realize how huge the village is
until you have to cross it in icy 14 degree weather. When I made it home safe and decided to ghost her (the old tinder cold shoulder), yet two days later she reached out to me to explain

I wasn’t the one for her

 

Right…


 

Well I wish Ms. Negativity nothing but the best in her journey for whatever she’s looking for and hey maybe she’ll find peace in Australia, her ex, all of the drugs in her car or margaritas that she apparently really likes.


 

For me I guess I’ll just
keep swiping right

 


 

Got a good dating story in the BOI? Submit your story anonymously HERE:  https://goo.gl/forms/nwRZ1znLxFJ26ylH3

Dating in the BOI: 7 Fun 1st Date Ideas

 

Thanks to the ladies in my Girls Night Boise group, I have a creative list of first-date ideas when dating in Boise. Even if it’s not your first date, here are some date night ideas you can impress your lover with:


  1. Grab a Scooter, get a picnic basket, and zip around Boise.

Scooters are fun, and they add this layer of exhilaration any couple would enjoy. You can either take the picnic to a romantic spot in Boise (Julia Davis Park, Ann Morrison Park, or Camel Back’s Park), or end your scooter adventure at a romantic restaurant.


  1. Be a big kid at Wahooz

This is my personal favorite because the dates with my then-boyfriends started off carefree and casual. Think about how fun it’ll be to tap into your inner kid again. No pressure of highly romantic dates. This is a personal preference, but I’m a big fan of fun and casual dates. Why?

  • Be slightly competitive, fun & flirty while playing mini gold
  • Jump in a go-kart and race each other & see who wins
  • Have fun as you play laser tag
  • Get to know each other over a slice of pizza
  • Take some of those classic photo booth pictures

 

Plus – it’s my way of seeing if a guy is hyper competitive and if whether he can be silly & relaxed. Not take himself too seriously. It’s also an excuse for me to wear a cute top, some boyfriend cut jeans, and throw on my Converses.


  1. Get Your PAC MAN on at SpaceBar Arcade

Talk about bringing it back, in an entertaining and fun way. Who doesn’t old school arcade games?  SpaceBar Arcade is this cool spot located below Dharma Sushi and Thai on Capitol Blvd in Downtown Boise. You know you’re in the right spot when you see the line of old school arcade machines for your perusing.  Head to the bar to grab some drinks. You’ll notice an 80s movie playing one these 3 small TVs in the corner. And it’s a VHS that’s playing (my younger audience may need to google what a VHS is.) If you want to tape into your Nintendo skills, grab a seat on the couch with your date and start playing!

I’ve been to the SpaceBar Arcade to hang out, but never on a date. This is on my list.


  1. Tap into you artist at Ceramica

Calling all Demi Moores and Patrick Swayzes (Ghost movie reference). Well, maybe not so much like that scene, but you can get together and paint your own pottery piece. It allows both of you to tap into your creative side and see how each other creates. You can even give each other your masterpieces once they are ready.


  1. Hiking & Grab Healthy Smoothie Afterwards

 

With plenty of hiking trails, you have many opportunities to have your first date be an active one. You can see beautiful Boise while getting to know each other. After burning off some calories, you can grab some healthy cuisine at places like Fresh Café Boise.


  1. Capital City Market + 8th Street Brunch

Since I’ve experienced the Capital City Market for the first time last weekend, I can definitely see it being an ideal place for a first date. You can take your time exploring all the various vendor tables, buy each other fun gifts, and take your time strolling as you talk & connect. It’s low key enough to where you don’t have that high  pressure to keep chatting. Plus, you can be flirty in a less-than-obvious way. Maybe that’s me talking because I’m not the best with all of that flirty stuff. After taking your time walking around, you can then head over to one of the restaurants on 8th Street: Juniper, Eureka, Wild Root Café, Bittercreek Alehouse, and Red Feather Lounge. You can even venture off 8th Street and head over to Bacon or St. Lawrence Gridiron.


  1. Get Your Laugh on at Liquid Laughs

You can’t beat having a good laugh in at your first date. It’s an ideal way to break the ice between 2 people. Why not head over to Liquid Laughs for your first date? I haven’t been to liquid laughs, but I know it’s a place I’m adding to my date night bucket list. You can grab dinner beforehand at Solid, or Bardenay, or P.F. Chang. You can walk over to Liquid Laughs, sit next to each other, and enjoy being entertained. Afterwards, you can maybe walk around downtown and keep the conversation going.


This is my PART I of my 1ST date ideas. Big special thanks to my girls night boise special ladies for their dating ideas and input: Taylor, Ashley,  and Crystal! Stay tuned for plenty more ideas.

Dating in the BOI: Ghost of the Ex

Being single — whether it’s in Boise or another city — there’s moments where you feel like there’s a ghost of boyfriend (or girlfriends’) past.


What do I mean?

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my recent dating experiences and the takeaway from each one. I feel it’s essential given I’m not having the most positive experiences.


(BTW: there’s a few stories I have yet to share. Stay tuned!).


One common denominator is that none of them have elevated to a level of genuine seriousness.  I mean, there is one person I chatted with on the phone (a must for me if I’m investing in getting to know a guy, especially if I can’t see him physically). That won’t lead to anything, especially after meeting him before my trip to Asia.


This is where ghost of boyfriend’s past comes in.


I don’t share much on my blog about my personal life, but I think it’s important for this post.


My most recent relationship was the one where I underwent the most change: love, adoration, pain, hurt, sorrow, laughter.


Backstory:

I met Mr. Handsome (that was my name for him in my cellphone) in late 2012, during my last year of law school. He was my escape. After being highly engaged as a student, I was in need of my own space from my law school duties.

Insert Mr. Handsome.

  • Tall (6’4)
  • Older by 3 years (which I prefer)
  • Dreads
  • Father
  • Worked in education

Over the course of November & December, Mr. Handsome and I had a connection that i hadn’t had since my last boyfriend.


We:

  • Talked on the phone every night during the week (he had his daughter on the weekend due to a temporary custody visit schedule)
  • Met up at a location between our respective places we lived ( i lived in Portland, ME and he lived in Auburn, ME)
  • Usually met either at the LL Bean in Freeport or a McDonald’s in Gray, ME
  • Talked for hours ( I remember he and I being tired the next day because we were out too late)

After about 6 dates or so, he asked me while we were packing up from a night of bowling:

Mr. Handsome: Can we be daters?

Me: Daters?

Mr. Handsome: Yes (shyly).


We’ve been on 6 dates (Mr. Handsome loves numbers and he would remember dates & periods of time).

I thought it was cute, because he was basically asking if we could be exclusive.


That was the beginning. During the course of our relationship, I thought I found my person. He was corky (some thought weird) but ideal for my outgoing personality, introduced me to his interests, we had our own language and ways of talking to each other, and our own routine.


But lots happened in between:

  • Met his little girl (took 6 months to meet her, which I’m proud about)
  • Met his family
  • Moved in together
  • He won primary custody of his daughter
  • Broke up
  • Moved out
  • Got back together
  • Broke up
  • Got engaged
  • Broke up
  • Moved away

Yes, did you catch that? We were engaged.


See, the thing is that our relationship was complex, filled with raw emotions, real substantive heavy issues, and lots of back and forth. I thought engagement would be the best next step.

No, unfortunately not.


I’ll just say this: sometimes you can’t fall in love with the potential or hope of what the person will become. Mr. Handsome had (hopefully past tense) deeper issues that would rise to the surface . I don’t question whether or not he cared for me, but he couldn’t reciprocate the love I needed in return.


Thus, broken engagement left me distraught and having to leave the life I built in Maine.


Now, I’m here in Boise, living a life I always imagined. Working in a field I love, enjoying new experiences, meeting new people.


So why am I saying all of this?


I know a few of you who read my blogs (thank you!), whether married or single, go through the motions of relationships. If you’re single like me, there will be moments where you think of the times with those from your past.


Last year before moving to Boise, I wouldn’t entertain those thoughts. I buried them so deep inside, I’d forget about my time with my ex, the life we could of had, and the life I left in Maine.


With these recent dating experiences, I’m  realizing I’m attempting to absolve myself with any thoughts of my previous life. Most of these dates have been fillers — people I entertain for the hell of it.


The issue with this method is that nothing is absolved. It’s a temporary fix. None of them give me that feeling of Yes, I’d like to learn more about him. Don’t get me wrong, some I’ve had a connection with. Maybe it’s a Virgo thing or maybe it’s my personality (or a little bit of both), I don’t quickly fall for someone. Honestly, it takes me quite some time to establish a real connection with another person. I do not share the “real” me until I feel they are worthy.


I’m using this post to celebrate what I’ve got from my past relationship with Mr. Handsome, and remember that I’ll meet someone again that’ll give me that feeling.


Artifacts from the Ex:

  • Enjoy watching English Premier league and US Soccer
  • Hard to listen to Bob Marley Songs
  • My jeep (his dad helped me select it when car shopping)
  • Blue Memphis sweatshirt
  • My gray calf boots (his mom gave them to me)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Tirtles (his daughter loved watching the cartoon)
  • Can’t drink Blue Moon (his fav)
  • Hard to look at lead singer of Rage Against the Machine (someone said he looks like him when he had dreads)
  • Appreciation for running (his fav way to stay in shape)
  • Learning that I cannot wait for the day to become a mother

When dating someone who has children from a previous relationship, it can be challenging — especially if you break up. The hardest part of the breakup was saying goodbye to his little girl. I lived with her for over a year. My bond with her was deep, rich, and impacted me in ways I can never truly express in words. From her hugs to her personalized handmade letters, she gave me a snippet into what life may be like as a (then) step mom. Saying goodbye was heart wrenching and a moment of my life I would not want to re-live.


Moving forward, I plan to focus on my priorities. And I’ll admit (finally), dating isn’t one of them. I’m no longer interested in spending time on the whole let-me-get-to-know-you show.

  • Wasting time respond to a text
  • No longer responding to subtle attempts to seek attention
  • Deactivate my dating profiles
  • Cutting someone out the moment they play stupid & ridiculous games

These next months, I’m going to Date Myself.

Yes, that’s what I said.

Do things I’ve put in the back burner, such as:

  • Get back into running
  • Get back into reading
  • Get back to aimlessly roaming a city with no expectations
  • Get back into going out with my girls
  • Get back to event planning & having a good ol’ time
  • Get back to ME

Ghost of boyfriend’s past is a reality. I acknowledge it, and I’ve grown from it. Cheers to new beginnings and always believing in love and finding the one who fits you best.

 

Dating in the BOI: 7 Type of Guys On Tinder

I know you’ve heard me talk about Tinder, and let’s not forget my most recent experience with Mr. McNasty. 


These Tinder pitfalls had me think about the type of guys I’ve come across while a single on Tinder. Of course, my list does not paint a general brush of ALL men on Tinder. That would be 1)wrong and 2) unfair to those decent men on Tinder.


Based on my experiences, here are my 7 type of guys you’ll find on Tinder:

  1. GUY WHO ONLY HAS PICTURES OF HIM AND HIS FRIENDS

On the surface, this does NOT seem like a horrible characteristics of a Tinder profile. It is an issue, however, if ALL of the photos are with his friends. I mean, should I have to play HIDE AND SEEK when looking at a profile?

I wonder who the guy is.

No, that’s not what I want to play when I’m already on a dating app.

Makes me wonder if this a strategic move, especially if it appears most of the friends in the photo are relatively attractive.

Or tall.

Or smiling.

Dating in the BOI Tip: It’s normal to have photos of your friends. Just don’t make them ALL of your photos.


2. GUY WITH TOO MANY SELFIES

Nothing is wrong with a selfie — here and there. It’s a whole other ballgame when EACH and EVERY photo is a selfie. Let’s review the type of selfies I’ve seen:

  • Duck face selfie
  • Just-worked-out selfie
  • In-my-car-casually-driving selfie
  • After-shower selfie
  • I’m-trying-but-not-trying selfie

Dating in the BOI Tip: Please don’t bombard your entire Tinder profile to all selfies. It makes it seem you are obsessed wit your looks.


3. GUY WHO STARTS A CONVERSATION TO NOWHERE LAND

I mentioned this in my Guys You Find on POF blog post. It’s basically Mr. Time Suck.  Here’s a typical conversation:

Mr. Nowhere Land: Hey, what’s up?

Me: Nothing much. How are you?

Mr. Nowhere Land: Nothing much.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Why start a conversation if CONVERSING is not your purpose.

Dating in the BOI tip: Don’t embark on the journey to nowhere land.


4. GUY WHO MATCHES BUT NO MESSAGE

Unlike Bumble (app allegedly to be female-friendly where the female has to initiate the conversation), the unspoken rule of Tinder is the man initiates the conversation after he matches. It’s intimidating to send a man a message, especially for a woman, because we don’t want to seem like 1) we are CHASING the guy and 2) we seem DESPERATE. I typically give a guy I matched with 2 weeks before I write him off. I’ve had experiences where they haven’t logged into Tinder for a few days or even weeks. I believe this because I do it!

Disclaimer: this is an unspoken rule, and it applies to my heterosexual experiences.

I have PLENTY of idle matches sitting in my Tinder app. And, most likely, they will remain idle.


5. GUY THAT NEVER ACTUALLY WANT TO MEET

There was this one match on Tinder, and he was so eager to meet. He would consistently message me, and I was interested. When it came time to finalize the details, I would get a constant “reschedule” or a “too busy.”

Buddy, really?!

OK, that’s fine by me. I  K.I.M (KEEP IT MOVING) when it comes to these type of guys. If you are not careful, this person will ultimately become a TIME WASTER!


6. GUY WHO ONLY HAS PICTURES WITH OTHER GIRLS

Like with the guy who has only photos with his bros/friends, there is also the guy who only has photos with girls. And these are the photos with NO explanation (for example: my sister, my cousin, etc.). I question some accounts where there is only photo of women because I wonder:

1) is this a couple looking to spice up their love life?

2) does this guy want to brag about his contact with beautiful women?

3) are these past girlfriends he is showing off?

I have no clue. But whatever the reason is, I swipe LEFT. No interest whatsoever.

Dating in the BOI tip: Diversify your photos. More importantly, if you have photos with other women, it’s best to clarify it in your bio. Don’t leave it up for interpretation, unless that’s your point.


7. GUY WHO IS ON REPEAT

Have you ever had to delete & re-download the Tinder app? Yes, I have. I deleted it a few months back, then I re-downloaded it soon thereafter. That said, there has been moments where I have matched…

and matched…

and matched with the SAME GUY.

This situation has occurred multiple times here in Boise!

What’s more comical is that these guys have evolved into #4 above: GUY WHO NEVER MESSAGES.

This  is my take on the 7 most common type of guys I’ve seen on Tinder. There are a few who I haven’t categorized (like Mr. McNasty), but this is a common thread I’ve seen over the course of my time on Tinder!


Do YOU have a horrible Tinder story?

What about a success story?

I’d LOVE to hear it! Send an email to theboisebucketlist@gmail.com.


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Dating in the BOI: Mr. McNasty

Dates: ZERO

App used: Tinder

Status: Block & Deleted


So, it actually happened. I got attacked by the d&ckpics (disclaimer: creepy blog post below)

Yes, ladies and gentleman. The inevitable happened. I’m fortunate I have no recent experience dealing with the situation in which I’m going to describe to you. Nonetheless it was only a matter of time.


Here’s the backstory:

Back in January, I matched with someone on Tinder (the usual). It was a decent conversation, and he asked to exchange numbers.

I thought sure, why not?

We exchanged texts here and there, but the conversation exchange didn’t amount to anything substantive.


Fast-forward to last week:

Here I am at work in my office, typing away, answering emails, and minding my business. With my phone being locked, I see this text message from an unknown number.

Side note: This is a weird habit, but I don’t save numbers in my phone unless I deem it necessary. To illustrate: if a guy I meet on Tinder wants to exchange numbers, I don’t automatically save it in my contacts. It’s not until we have a good conversation, possibly an in-person meetup, is where I decide to add him to my contacts. I usually save it as John Doe (Tinder).

When I received this hey message, I’m thinking who the hell is this?!

I unlock my phone, and I noticed I had a prior exchange with a person from this number. I scrolled up to read all of the messages, and I still had no clue who I was talking to.

C’mon, it’s been since January 5th when we last spoke! Clearly he left no imprint on my life.

Before I had a chance to respond, here’s what happened next:

McNasty: I’m in Boise finally, dft right now?

Me: No response

McNasty: [Sends 1st d*ckpic]

McNasty: [Sends 2nd d*ickpic]

McNasty: [Sends 3rd d*ckpic]

I am not kidding you. While at work, I was bombarded with disgusting and unwanted photos from Mr. McNasty.  I elected not to respond because I didn’t want him to know this was still my phone number.

I logged into Tinder, and what do I see…, a message from McNasty:

McNasty: Hey, I sent you some d*ckpics, did you get them?

Me: No response

McNasty: It would be a shame if I sent them to the wrong number.

Me: [totally lying] That’s  not my number anymore. You blindly sent d*ckpics to a number? Why?

McNasty: Well, what’s your number?

Me: For what? So you can send me unwanted photos? No thanks.

McNasty: I thought you were DTF?

Me: Really? That’s interesting. Because we exchanged numbers? No thanks.

McNasty: Whatever. Have a great life.

Me: Thanks! I will have an awesome life


I quickly unmatched with McNasty and shrugged off that disgusting feeling.


Here’s what I have a problem with, and I hope readers take note. It has been more than 3 months since I last spoke to Mr. McNasty. Three months! During the course of three months, lots could have transpired:

  • New phone number
  • New boyfriend
  • I moved away
  • Got abducted by aliens

I am poking fun, but truth be told, this person did not even think to ask whether this was my number or not. He thought it was his right to send me photos of himself (3 disturbing photos, one where in the background you can see the bath-time toys of his child). It’s one thing if you and someone you’re dating/seeing/talking to  mutually agree to exchange nude photos; it’s another issue if such exchange was not agreed upon nor requested.


Over the past few months, I haven’t really been on any dating apps as much. The appeal of swiping right or another awkward date is slowly dwindling. Don’t get me wrong — I plan to still use Tinder, especially when I’m traveling these next few months.  I, however, will start believing in destiny & acknowledge I’ll meet the right person when the time is right.

Until then, I plan to keep going on dates, whether in the BOI or not.


 

How have you handled receiving inappropriate photos which you never requested? I’d love to hear how you dealt with it!


Stay tuned for another Dating in the BOI story!

[UPDATE] Dating in the BOI: Mr. Fitted Cap

Ok, so you remember my story about Mr. Fitted Cap? You know, the guy I had a good connection with and he all of a sudden went ghost?

Well…

He returned.


Yes, ladies and gents. He returned, and it was a shocker.

About a month or so ago I was on Facebook searching for a friend and typed in the 1st initial of Mr. Fitted Cap’s first name. When his name popped up, I was thinking oh yeah, what’s he up to?


I look at his Facebook page, and I see every single photo of what I believe was his girlfriend removed and off the radar.

Fine, I’ll address the obvious. How did I find his Facebook page? I’ll admit: I remembered his last name when he told me, and I ended up looking for him on Facebook when we were first talking. Don’t act like YOU don’t search for people when you know his/her first & last name!


I found him a few months back, and my thoughts of why he disappeared the 1st time were confirmed. He was openly dating someone. I only assumed it was his ex he returned to.

Fast forward  to now, when his name appeared and I checked his page, all artifacts of her existence disappeared from his page. Poof – gone!


What the…?

My next thought was watch me see him on Tinder.


I sh*t you not, who did I see when I was Tindering a few days after seeing him on Facebook? Yes, no other than Mr. Fitted Cap himself! I couldn’t help but say aloud holy SH*T! while giggling.


For shits and giggles, I purposely swiped right when his profile came cross my fingertips. After swiping right, I didn’t see we matched.

Asshole.


Because I don’t have my Tinder settings set to where I receive notifications when I match/receive a message, I’m unaware of when someone messages me. To my surprise, I see a message from Mr. Fitted Cap

Hey how are you? I hope all is well .

You hope all is well? Really buddy? You GOT to have better game than that.


With my curiosity  peaked, I entertained his message.

Me: Life is good, thanks! I’m surprised to see you back on this app.

Mr. Fitted Cap: On here to find you.

Me: [I call bullshit] Oh yeah, that’s interesting!


After some back and forth exchange, I stopped hearing from him. A week went by, and I thought to myself

Here we go AGAIN with his disappearing act!

Of COURSE I went to see if my suspicious was right as to why he disappeared. Yup – new profile pic with his (now?) girlfriend.


Hey bud, make up your mind. Either you’re single or your NOT. C’mon now. You’re a little too old to be playing these type of games.


I did what any sane person would: unmatched with him on Tinder.


 

Oh – this story doesn’t end. After writing this blog post and saving it for later, more events transpired


 

About a week and half ago, I woke up to a FACEBOOK friend request from guess who. Yes, Mr. Fitted Cap.  My curiosity got the best of me, and I ended up accepting his request.

FB Message convo:

Mr. Fitted Cap (MFC): Hi, how are you going?

Me: Fine, you?

MFC: Going OK. Weather is getting to me.

Me: [Buddy – get to the point!] Oh yeah?

MFC: Yeah. Well, I was hoping we can hang out again

Me: Ummm… why? So you can disappear again? LOL (insert the LOL to make things less confrontational)

MFC: LOL yeah, I had to clear some things up.

Me: Oh ok.


 

Fast-forward to last Monday, I find myself in front of Mr. Fitted Cap once again. This time around, the allure and mystery was gone. Instead of experiencing this newness that comes when you’re hanging out for the first few times, I felt rather annoyed.

We talked, and I asked him about his disappearing act. I got the usual roundabout answers and nothing direct. I then asked directly (which I had no choice at this point): do you have a girlfriend?

Nope.

I was thinking sure buddy. sure. 

Our conversation ended, nothing spectacular. No hug or anything like that. I thanked him for reaching out, said “hope to do it again,” and told him not to disappear again.


Oh brace yourself.

Mr. David Blaine the magician appears. Kid you not, two days later I see I have one less friend on my Facebook friend list. Who ended up deleted me? No other than Mr. Fitted Cap-turned-Mr. David Blaine, the magician.

No.Lie.


You know what makes me laugh? It’s the ridiculously of his behavior. I’d prefer if he was direct and honest. Not someone who hides behind messaging and Facebook. I don’t want someone like that in my life. My conspiracy theory is that he is living a life of wannabe single dude who happens to be in a relationship.


Back to the drawing board.

Not really, though.

I’m continually meeting new people here in Boise, and as a result I’m starting to stray away from the whole Tinder app. I haven’t even bothered with POF or OK Cupid lately. Don’t worry — I have stories to share with you as a single woman in the BOI. Just brace yourself for fewer online dating mishaps.


And to Mr. Fitted Cap: buddy, you take a “L”. For those who don’t know this term, it’s for people who earn a loss, like a loser. “L” for loser.


I’ll see you again sometime here in Boise. And when I do, I’ll do what’s best for both of us. Cast my own spell on you and make you invisible.


Poof! Be gone.

 

Dating in the BOI: Do’s and Don’ts for Singles on VDay

For couples, this is the time where the box stores are FLOODED with Valentine’s Day goodies (stuffed animals, candy, balloons, chocolate, love-y dove-y cards) and your heart flutters with excitement.


As a single, you’re most likely thinking

single-hans-solo


Some time ago, Valentine’s Day conjured up dread in the land of singles. Not this year! I, for one, forbid to wallow in sorrow for not being happily hooked up.  Here are my Dos and Don’ts for Singles in the BOI:

DO: Give Thanks for the Ones who Got Away

During this next couple of weeks, it may be inevitable to think about the exes in your life.

I loved when he did this

He was so cute

She was the love of my life

Stop! Pump the breaks. Don’t succumb to those all feelings from your past. Be thankful for the cosmos intervening and giving you another chance at love.


DON’T: Feel Sorry For Yourself

Feeling sorry yourself is never a sexy way of being. Use this time to participate in random acts of kindness. Maybe buy a stranger coffee when at Flying M. How about spoiling your pooches with kisses & toys for Valentine’s Day. Check in with an old friend & treat them to lunch. You’ll have more fun when you shift your perspective about Valentine’s Day.


DO: Spend the Day with Friends

I remember the days where I wasn’t in a relationship, yet I had one of the best Valentine’s Day. I lived with 3 other women in a dorm-styled apartment when I went to law school. None of us were seriously seeing anyone. Rather, we baked a delicious cake, bought each other mini gifts, grabbed bottles of wine, cranked up the music, and danced to our favorite songs. It was FABULOUS!

Grab your single friends (or friends who can’t be with their sig other), go out for dinner, see a movie (When Harry Met Sally @ The Egyptian), and share the love of friendship. Checkout out my list of things to do in BOI for VDay.


DON’T: Drunk Dial your Ex(es)

Ok – so all of these memories of your ex are flooding into your mind. It doesn’t help you’re drinking too. That Ed Sheeran song reminds you of your ex. That memory triggers you to start some Facebook stalking. That memory triggers you to grab your phone and possible text him or her.

NO – STOP DROP & ROLL

Don’t succumb to the weak moment and texting your ex(es). Don’t blame it on the alcohol!


DO: Celebrate Your Single Status

Listen – did you ask to be single around Valentine’s Day? No. No you didn’t. So don’t be ashamed. Celebrate a new stage in your life. Or if it’s been some time you’ve been single, EMBRACE IT.

Take it from someone who’s going to celebrate the 2nd Valentine’s Day single. But I’ll be honest and open: even when I was in a relationship, it was lonely and a moment of complete unhappiness. (Click HERE to grab my list of things to do in Boise for Valentine’s Day).

What would you rather be: in a unhappy relationship or single, dedicating time to loving who you are? I’d take the latter, please.


DON’T: Feel Ashamed of Your Single Status

Because I’m not from Boise (where relationships are the standard way of dating), I don’t know how it is to be shamed for being single. In South Florida, sometimes people like to be single around Valentine’s Day because of all the single-oriented festivities happening downtown Ft. Lauderdale. I RARELY thought about the times I was single ,because Valentine’s Day was about celebrating the sexiness of being single.

So twirl on those haters who are making you feel ashamed for being single. Bye hatahs! (Click HERE to grab my list of things to do in Boise for Valentine’s Day).


DO: Spend That Money On Yourself

Always wanted to get an ultimate massage?

How about that pair of sunglasses?

Or that haircut you’ve always wanted but never DARE to?

Here’s my answer: Yes, Yes and YES! Yes to everything. I’m going to personally treat myself to some new music. I LOVE The Weeknd, and I’m going to buy his newest album and jam to it. Boom.


DON’T: Go On A Blind or First Date

Some may ask why not?

Well, think about it. Even if this person is the coolest and going out for Valentine’s Day seems like a good idea:

  • you’ll be surrounded by couples kissing & cuddling
  • more pressure on the date than average
  • mismanaged expectations

Make the decision to go out the following day, when the heightened Cupid’s spell won’t be as thick in the streets of Boise.


Apply these Do’s and Don’ts and you’re likely going to have a great Valentine’s Day. I’m in your exact shoes — trust me. I’m choosing to be happy for everyone in love, and I’m especially choosing to be happy for my current status in life. I’m single, meeting wonderful people here in Boise, and open to meeting Mr. Right-for-Me. I’ll be struck by Cupid’s Arrow once again in life, and until then, I’ll be Dating in the BOI.


 

Don’t forget to grab  my #BOIVDayBucketList by clicking HERE.

 

Dating in the BOI: 5 Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship


Undoubtedly, winter is definitely the seasons for cuffing.

What’s cuffing? You ask?

It’s a slang term to describe this odd phenomenon, where couples are “cuffed”  to each other all winter long. But when spring comes (or  warm weather– whichever one comes first), these imaginary cuffs come off.

When I confidently walk around Boise as a singleton, I tend to notice how Boise does cater to couples.

Think about it.

From all the cozy restaurants where you can eat quietly in a corner, to a warm coffee shop where can sit near one another and talk while sipping hot cocoa, to taking salsa classes and dancing the night away.

Yes, this is a couples’ city.


I know I’m THAT single person who writes about her dating woes. But don’t be fooled. I consider this good research for when I do meet my better half. Since my love language (this is a MUST-HAVE book, by the way!) is a mix of quality time and physical touch (probably T.M.I for you all), I’m mentally taking note of the varying things to do in Boise, activities where I can spend quality time and physically be close to my better half.


Trust me, this is all for research. Or, at least that’s what I tell myself.


Here are my 5 ways you can spice things up here on Boise:
1. ENJOY DINNER AND A MOVIE

I love movies. I miss the days where I looked forward to movie premieres. And I particularly miss going with my better half. There something to be said about grabbing dinner and a movie on a Friday night. For many, it’s the end of the week, start of the weekend, and the unofficial movie date night. Don’t believe me? Go alone to a movie theater on Friday. Count the number of couples.

Exactly.

The Treasure Valley has its fair share of movie theaters. You can grab dinner & a movie in downtown Boise on 9th Street, or travel to the Village at Meridian. 


You can’t deny that feeling you get when you’re sitting close to your significant other, in a dark movie theater, holding hands during the movie. Don’t get me started on going to a horror movie. Some of my best memories have been going to see the movie Saw on Halloween with my then-boyfriend, being surrounded by couples. When the gory scenes popped up, the ladies around me gasp and nestle their faces in the arms of their partner.

Yup. Told you I love the feeling of going to the movies.

Note to Mr. Right for Me who may be reading this: I like movies. You don’t have to like them, but you must know I do. And love that I do.


2. SIGN UP FOR DANCE LESSONS

Did you know Boise has its selection of dancing lessons?

  • Swing Dancing
  • Salsa Dancing
  • Bachata
  • Line Dancing

Spice things up by taking a dancing class. Don’t worry about whether you’re good or not. The point is to experience it together. So what that you’re uncoordinated, or that you have two left feet. Dress up, grab your partner, and make it a night of dancing. It’s a bonding experience, and who knows what it’ll lead to afterwards. Hey, my blog is PG. I’ll let your imagination run wild.


Here are some links to checkout:

Heirloom Dance Studio

Idaho Dance Sport

Carpe Danza


3. ENJOY A STAY-CATION AT A LOCAL HOTEL

Why would I suggest staying at a hotel if you live right in Boise?

It’s simple: stay-cation.

Do you know how many times I imagined staying at a local high-end hotel just for the amenities? Couples spa. Room Service. Big, comfy bed.

I suggest staying at a downtown hotel because it’s a local and conveinent way to enjoy a weekend together. As a couple, you can:

  • Get a massage together
  • Workout together
  • Sleep in and order room service
  • Enjoy downtown at your leisure
  • Enjoy music at the hotel’s lounge

Depending on the season (like upcoming Valentine’s Day), some local hotels host specials, like the Riverside Hotel. 

Boise has its share of upscale hotels (and more to come!), so you have your share of options.


4. TAP INTO YOU FUN SIDE

Whether it’s Big Al’s or Wahooz Fun Zone, Boise has its share of fun activities for both kids and adults.

What I find appealing about both locations is that each are a playground for all ages. And it’s why I believe they are ideals places to spice things up.

A little fun competition between couples is an excellent way to strengthen that bond between each other.

For example: include a fun wager in your game of bowling. Whoever gets a strike, gets a kiss. Or whoever loses the game has to do what the winner wants.

You can honestly include a friendly wager in any activity you do. Whether it’s racing go-karts, playing mini golf, or a game of pool — friendly and flirty wagers add that extra spice in your game of fun.


 

5. TRAVEL TO A HOT SPRING

As a Florida girl, the only thing which resembles a hot spring are Jacuzzi hot tubs. Yes, hot tubs. Not really a fan after learning about the dangers of hot tubs in the standard Health Sex Ed course.

For those who are unaware, a hot spring is exactly that: a spring of naturally hot water, heated by volcanic activity. And fortunately you, Idaho has its share of hot springs.

This seems like the ULTIMATE way to relax with your partner. You’ll be in a complete relaxing state of mind, immersed in the quietness and stillness of life. You two wouldn’t even have to talk — just sitting, smiling, and thinking how thankful you are to be with one another.

Need a list of hot springs in Idaho? Here ya go: https://visitidaho.org/things-to-do/hot-springs/


 

That’s all I have — for now. I’ll probably have an entire long list of ways to spice things up in Boise; it’s only a matter of time.

Till next adventure,

Boise Bucket List


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Dating in the BOI: 6 Type of Men on POF

As a single woman with limited time, I’ll admit that I’ve downloaded a few share of dating apps. I see these as tools as opposed to strictly relying on them to meet people for dates.


Whether you’re a single new to Boise (like me) or recently single Boisean, part of the dating game is the initial interactions. That said, here’s my take on the 6 type of men you’ll find on Plenty of Fish:

 

Mr. Sales-y. At first, he seems all sweet and innocent. He’ll say sweet nothings like “I read your profile and you seem so sweet and smart” or “You are absolutely beautiful and stunning.” You might be thinking “wait, aren’t these how you should address someone?” Well…maybe. Most likely these type of men copy & paste their messages and send them out in masses to all women regardless of whether or not they’ve read their profile. How do I know this? Because my profile doesn’t really say much, yet I sound sweet and smart? Hmm…


Mr. Muscles. His POF profile is inundated with muscle selfies. He takes the lyrics to the song “Let’s Take a Selfie” to heart. Shirtless selfie in the car. Shirtless selfie in the bathroom. Oh wait – shirtless selfie while eating! Can’t forget that. Be prepared for a message like “hey”. He’ll be under the notion his muscles + a generic “hey” warrant a response. Hey, maybe it will for you.

Mr. Straight-Forward. I feel like every dating app has one of these: a man who is blunt and straight to the point. Here’s some actual messages I received

  • Huhha Hubba! Nice rack 🙂
  • I love a sexual woman
  • Describe your sex drive in one word

Mr. Time Suck. It’s that guy that you initially have a good conversation with, but ultimate it turns boring. It’s the daily “hey” message. You entertain him because he seems nice and engaging. After awhile, the conversation becomes stale, all filled with “heys” and never leaves POF land. No substance, no depth, no excitement. Ultimately, you need to make the decision to cut him because the conversation is a time suck.

Mr. No-Pic. Yes ladies, you’ll see accounts where his photo is the default POF “grayed out” photo. His answer to “what I’m looking for” is “isn’t looking for anything or nothing serious.” Most likely, this man is married or in a relationship and uses this app to perpetuate his devious ways. He may even be as direct as stating that he’s in a relationship and looking for an escape. Yuck!

Mr. Jail Bird. Be prepared to see photos of inmates. How can you initially tell? In the background of their photos, you’ll see steel bunk beds, sexy calendars on the wall, or even bars. The man are dressed from head-to-toe in gray sweatshirt/sweatpants. Now, if you can’t tell they are inmates, it won’t take you long to figure it out. In the comments section, you’ll see “please send all inquires to: ______ Correctional Facility”. I’m not kidding you!


I haven’t had the best luck with POF, honestly. I truly believe it’s filled with Plenty of Fakes. But I’m still on it in hopes that I’ll meet a decent person, at least worth going out on a date. I’ll admit though — the app can be wildly addicting because you get notified when someone “likes” you or “wants to meet you” or messages you.

Stay tuned for a future blog post about the type of questions you’ll asked when on POF.


Want to read my personal dating stories? Click here!