Love in the BOI: Jess and Greg

This story has a unique twist. It’s told from the matchmaker’s perspective – the groom’s sister. This is the Love in the BOI story of Jess and Greg, told by Haley.

 

haley 1


 

How Did They Meet?

In 2007, my brother Greg graduated high school and moved to SLC to go
to college at Westminster. In 2008, Jess moved to Boise from Idaho Falls for her senior year and we quickly became friends. She went off to college, and when she was at Lewis and Clark College in Lewiston and I was at Washington State University in Pullman, we made many trips to visit and stay in touch. Jess and I both graduated in May of 2014 and returned to Boise. After a couple months of being busy with out new adult lives, we met for coffee at the Flying M. She was talking about how into weight lifting she was and tried her hardest to get me to be her workout buddy. I was working on getting my pre-college body back, but was no where near body building status. I did offer an alternative workout partner to myself, which happened to be my brother. He recently moved back to Boise from Salt Lake and had always been a gym rat. I gave her My brother’s number and encouraged the idea. Soon after, they set a time to go workout.


 

Describe Their First Date

Jess and Greg had such a great time working out, that their gym date turned into a coffee date,which then turned into a lunch date, all in one day! After Greg decided to officially ask Jess out on a date to Silver City, they were inseparable ever since. A year and a half later Greg proposed on what should’ve been a hot air balloon ride, but the weather didn’t agree, so he went with plan b and took an early morning walk down the greenbelt on the Fourth of July and surprised her on his knee near the river. Fast forward to October 14,2017, they had a beautiful wedding at the Bishops House in Boise. The newlyweds went on a gorgeous honeymoon to St. Lucia and bought a house last month.


What Do They Like To Do In Boise?

Greg and Jess enjoy anything outdoors in Idaho from hiking the foothills with
their 7 year old yellow lab Jack, to spending a much needed weekend in
a remote yurt and hot springs.  Jess is a night nurse, so their time
together is sporadic, but they make many memories together.

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How Do You Feel About Playing Matchmaker?

Jess and Greg are opposites, but the yin to the others yang. Although I wasn’t planning
to set them up, it was the most serendipitous meeting. It is still funny to think that they just barely missed meeting each other in while I was in high school, but it worked out for the best. I’m excited to see what their life together brings.

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What’s fun about this story is that I get to work with Haley on a professional level. I’m also going to work with her on some special projects for Boise Bucket List. Stay tuned!

 

 

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Love in the BOI: Christen & Brandon

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Meet Christen and Brandon Fisher. Their love story is vampire meets zombie. Intrigued? Keep reading! This is their Love in the BOI story.


 

How Did You Two Meet?

Brandon and I met working as actors at a haunted house in Arizona. Just a classic love story between zombie and vampire! Our friends had asked us if we wanted to make good money while working a interesting job. I had seen him from across the room and was immediately struck (later he told me the same). I was so shy though I barely spoke to him whole month we worked there because I had the biggest crush!

christen 3


 

Describe Your First Date

On the last day [of the haunted house] I thought this was now or never, so I asked for his number so we could go to the company Halloween party together. There would be our first kiss too by the way (and I still had my pointy teeth in haha!). We started dating after that and found out we had just missed each other in the same schools and he only live a couple miles from my house which in Phoenix is a big deal.

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We have been through everything together including long distance so I can finish school. The first time it was up north in Arizona, the second was when I was accepted to go to a school in Idaho. When we learned that, we had been together for 4 years and he decided that was when he was going to propose.

Now, Brandon had never gotten me flowers because at first he thought they were a waste of money since they just die anyway (men.), but then he realized that would be a good way to propose eventually. So he asked my mom to take me out shopping. When we came back to our apartment he had filled it with bouquets of flowers for every event that he had missed giving them (birthdays, valentines day, etc.). In the middle was a box that said open me. I was in shock. Inside it said turn around. When I did, he was dressed up in a suit and down on one knee. He was so nervous he blurted out “would you marry me?”, and after I (tearily) said yes he admitted he had a speech ready but he was so nervous he forgot! So then he said it and it blew me away. We planned to get married in two years after school in Idaho. And we ended up getting married this past June in McCall!
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What is Your Advice for Those Looking for Love?

As far as the advise for people looking for love… you can find love in unexpected places. We put ourselves out there signing up for a odd job and ended up finding soulmates. Be open to opportunities but if it doesn’t happen just enjoy the time while you are out there. You will know when you are gradually going through the dating steps and it just feels natural and easy. Everyone is different and there will be ups and downs, but I know Brandon and I never felt any doubt that we were going to end up together forever.
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What Is Your Favorite Thing To Do In Boise?

Now that we live in Boise it is truly hard to pick one thing that we love to do here. We love to go hiking in the foothills, paddle boarding at the different lakes, running with our dog on the greenbelt, checking out the nightlife downtown. trying out different restaurants, or going to the myriad of events always going on in Boise. We love it! I think we found our paradise.

Love in the BOI: Mallory & Tommy

In 2014, Mallory went to the Mayhem Festival. Although since she was young she knew she would meet her future husband at a concert, Mallory probably didn’t know it would be this one! Meet Mallory and Tommy.

mallory 1


 How did you all meet?

We met at Mayhem Festival in 2014! It was too perfect because growing up, I always knew I would meet my future husband at a concert!

 


Describe your first date

Our first date was at Barbacoa and we shared a rack of ribs and their roasted marshmallow dessert

 


What advice do you have for those looking for love in Boise?

For those looking for love in Boise, I advise that you look in places where you least expect it. Branch out and get out of your comfort zone! Maybe attend a class that you haven’t been to before.

mallory 2


Where is your favorite place to go (or thing to do) together as a couple?

Our favorite thing to do as a couple is eat out! We LOVE food and Boise has so many amazing local restaurants and brew pubs to offer. We try to eat at a new place every week!​

 


Thank you, Mallory for sharing your LOVE in the BOI story!

 

Love in the BOI: Erika & Ray

 

Meet Erika & Ray.  Ray traveled to Spain to study Spanish, while Erika was in Spain volunteering to show Americans around. Their love for one another & Erika’s love for Boise lead to be a Love in the BOI story. 

erika 1

 


 

How did you all meet?

Back in 2010 Ray was studying  Spanish so he decided to study abroad in Spain. I was studying English so I decided to become a volunteer and help American students to integrate in my    city and show them around.  Ray was one of those American students. I had never met such a joyful person and we became best friends. Soon enough we fell in love and I decided to come to USA to keep studying English.
erika 4
We had a long distance relationship for 18 months until he finished college. After graduation,  we traveled the world together and lived in Colombia, Spain and Russia.  In 2015 we got engaged and he said : We can live anywhere in the world you want. I answered : Let’s go to Boise!
I had fallen in love with Boise since the very first day I visited it and here we have had the happiest days of our relationship.


Describe Your First Date.


Our first date was at my favorite beach in my Island  (Mallorca ).
We jumped cliffs and listened to Johnny Cash in the Ipod. I had always loved Johnny Cash but pretty  much no one knew him in Spain. When he chose Johnny Cash in the playlisy and imitated his voice , I knew I had found the one.
 erika 2

 

What advice do You Have for those looking for love in Boise?

 

Try and find a partner in a place where a similar interest exists that will build your relationship over time: book shops, concerts, climbing gyms, fitness classes, etc. Bars are a natural go to, but the atmosphere often times doesn’t reflect an environment of “looking for something serious”.

And for people from around the area who think they already know everyone here, don’t lose hope! Boise is attracting droves of young people as of recently and there could be someone new coming to town just for you.

 



What is your favorite place to go (or thing to do) together as a couple? 

We love skying , taking interesting classes at Jump, enjoying the great outdoors and eating amazing food ! Our favorite places  are El Cafetal Colombian restaurant,  Wild Root, Parilla, and Bier 30. Oh and we love traveling!

erika 3


Love in the BOI: Sarah & Zac

Imagine only being able to communicate with each other in a beginner’s American sign language class. This is Sarah & Zac’s Love in the BOI story.

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Zac & Sarah Warren

How did you all meet?

We were paired up during a beginner’s American sign language class in college and weren’t allowed to actually speak to each other those first few weeks – just awkwardly try to sign.


Describe your first date.

We met in Vancouver, WA, but one of the first things we did together as a couple was come to Boise to meet Zac’s mom and great-grandmother. It was a bit intimidating for me, but I ended up loving his family and we had such a good time exploring the city. We were married in the Idaho State Capitol and when we started our family we decided that Boise was the place we wanted to live. It was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made!


What advice do you have for those looking for love in Boise?

Our advice for people looking for love in Boise is that it comes when you least expect it. Pursue your dreams and passions and you are bound to run into that special someone.


What is your favorite place to go (or thing to do) together as a couple?

Our favorite thing to do as a couple is travel. We have a goal of taking our son to all 50 states and 7 continents! We also love camping at Redfish Lake.

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Zac & Sarah Warren (photo by Maggie Grace Photo)

 

Want to follow Zac and Sarah on their adventures? Make sure to give them a “follow” on their Instagram pages: Zac @zacwarren56 and Sarah @raisingsmiles. Photo credit to Maggie Grace at @maggiegracephoto.

sarah & zac

Love in the BOI: Nikki & Graham

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The Night Nikki & Graham Met

 

Imagine backpacking through Europe & eventually meeting your future husband. Meet Nikki and Graham.


Nikki’s Mini Story:

I was 24 had a great job, lived down town. Done with dating. And thought right! If I’m going to see the world I need to do it now before I have roots. I sold my stuff, and my flat. Bought a ticket to London and traveled by train for 7 weeks, sleeping on couch’s hostels, hotels, and streets. I saw the U.K., France, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, and made my way back to London and up to Scotland
For my 25th birthday. the girl I was crashing with had a going away party me at the end of my stay and invited a few friends. She said we needed to pick up a friend from the train station, there he was 6’2 Scotsman. Awesome fashion smaller amazing ! I played it cool. We all hung out all night. And he kissed me before I had to go, We swapped details, and said to keep in touch. I touch a 5 hour train back to London. And no sooner I got there, he said come back. I had one of those movie moments ( if I don’t go I’ll regret it for the rest of my life) and so I went. He took me all over, had a few adventures. And I had to fly back to Boise.

Two days after I got home he sent me a message “ I shouldn’t have let you leave” and he was on the next flight, he had NEVER been to America. I took him all over Boise, Salt Lake, Reno, Las Vegas. And that was it….

6 weeks from the day we met, we were married ️ that was nearly 8 years ago. We lived in Scotland for a while. But Boise is home. We have 2 kids both with Scottish names Ewan Graham, and Harper Caroline. Which we take traveling. Hawaii, Iceland, Disneyland and Scotland

How Did You Meet?

I was backing thru Europe, met him in Scotland.
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Nikki & Graham the 1st Night They Met

Describe Your First Date

I had to leave Scotland and head back to London. And we had said our ( nice to meet you, keep in touch) . Once back in London, he said he wanted to see me and told me to come back. And he would take me on a tour of his country (Scotland) our first date was in a pub in Edinburgh, the start of a 3 day tour.

What Advice Do You Have for Those Looking for Love in Boise?

Stop looking lol!. As soon as I said “screw men” , and focused on what I wanted to do( travel) he found me.
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Nikki & Graham on Their Wedding Day

Where is Your Favorite Place to Go (or thing to do) Together as a Couple?

We love to eat!! So we live trying every hole in the wall restaurant in town. And traveling .. of course

 

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First Time at Table Rock

Nikki shared more after this post about the details surrounding her marriage. It’s pretty epic! Let’s just say it involves a bet in Sin City. Checkout Nikki’s Instagram feed, where she showcases her veggie-inspired lifestyle.

Dating in the BOI: Mr. Officer 

 

App: None

# of Dates: 2 (ish)

Status: No Contact


A few weeks ago,  I went to watch a football game at a local sports bar. I decided to smile more, be more approachable, and be open to small talk. I saw this so you can have some context.

Raised in south Florida — population heavily influenced with the sounds and beats of other cultures — I’ve been conditioned that when I go out, you don’t really smile. You may flirt with your eyes and a smirk, but it’s unlike a sports bar experience. What I learned last year, local bars are heavy on the small talk and beer flowing. I’m not saying it’s new to me given I lived in Portland, ME. But I don’t really hang out at sports bars.  But after asking people around where single locals hang out, I decided I had to step out my comfort zone.


My decision to step out my comfort zone included being more approachable, drinking “buds” and engaging in small talk. This time, it must have worked. I was outgoing, smiled, and ended up chatting with a tall, blue-eyed man with a pretty smile and a sense of humor. His way of breaking the ice was to joke that my friend took his seat. I played along with the joke, and before I knew it, my friend and I were sitting 3rd row, 50th yard line at the BSU game. I’ll admit – the game was so much fun, especially since my friend never been to a BSU game.


If you’re wondering, he had extra tickets because his date at the time cancelled last minute.

Insert violins.

Through our small talk conversation, he mentioned that he was a deputy sheriff. He even made a cute joke about “officer and lawyer” when I told him I went to law school.
After the game, my friend and I ended up back at the sports bar to find Mr. Officer to thank him for the tickets. Lo and behold, he was at the bar. Alone.

His friends decided to take the party on the road.


Mr. Officer, my friend and I decided to head downtown to grab something to eat. We originally wanted to go to The Reef, but to our dismay it was closed.


We ended up at Old Chicago for some late-night grub. I wasn’t in the mood for pizza, but I made it work. Toward the end of the night , Mr. Officer asked if we could “hang out” sometime and asked for my number. I smiled and without hesitation, gave him my number.

Sounds like a good story so far, right? Nothing crazy.


Well, except for him telling us that he is “fixed” and can’t have any more kids. He doesn’t want any more and rather date someone who already has kids.


Stop. Say what now?


Ummm.. first of all, too soon to mention that? Maybe. Even if not too soon, a lot during dinner. I don’t think we even got to the “ex” part of the conversation yet.


And secondly, I didn’t want to dive into whether I wanted children during that conversation. We were having fun, drinking, and eating. ( I do want children,  by the way. In case you were wondering).

I didn’t want to make that comment a big deal because I just met him and we had yet to go on our first date.


First Date Jitters

Because I didn’t meet him on Tinder or some other ridiculous app , I was legitimately nervous about my date. For those who have met me in-person, I’m outgoing and enjoy meeting people. But there are moments when I get shy. I mean shyyyyyyy. Like that I-need-to-look-away type of shy.  Mr. Officer suggested we go see It the Movie whenever I returned from my work trip.

Oohhh, scary movie for a first date? Yes I love it.

Oh c’mon , it’s ideal. You get to flinch and get close to your date. Which is exactly what I did. We first met at the Matador at the Village. Nothing like an adult beverage to calm your nerves. Soon thereafter, we headed over to the movie theater to get our seats. Mr. Officer was a gentleman and paid, for both the drinks and the movie tickets.

Aside from It being a strange and creepy movie, I’d said the first date was a success.


During the week prior to our movie date, and afterwards toward my birthday, he kept texting me.

Asking me when I was going to Vegas for work because he wouldn’t mind joining me.

Asking me if I ever been to Haunted World because we could go together.

Asking me if I ever been to Jackpot, NV  for gambling.

Asking me how my day was at work.

If you haven’t caught on, he would do nothing but ask me about future plans and seemed eager to do them together.

Again – nothing is weird with this dating story so far, right? You’re probably thinking

Diana…c’mon now. Get to the good stuff.

Fine, you got it!


Never Been With A  ___________ Before

Disclaimer: the next few sections I’m going to be talking about my own experiences in Boise that I haven’t spoken about in my dating blogs. I didn’t feel the need to because I wanted to keep my blog posts entertaining. But I think with this recent dating experience,  it’s fair to shed light on a few things.

On my birthday, Mr. Officer offered to meet me at one of the local bars for a birthday drink. He ended up meeting me at Hannah’s and bought me a drink. He was out with friends to watch BSU play. All was fine & dandy until he started talking about how he never lived outside of Idaho. He probably won’t anytime soon given his custody arrangement with his ex-wife.

Not strange at all. I know plenty of people who lived in one state all their life. 

Little did I know that this comment was leading to another statement of how he never been with (which he later corrected by saying “hung out with”) a woman of color. He said “black girl” then again corrected himself and said “Spanish woman.”


Hmmm….what to say to that?

My only way to respond was with oh yeah? That’s interesting. he continued to say that he always liked women of different backgrounds but Boise didn’t really have much when he was growing up. I thought

Ok, good to know. I appreciate your candor and honesty.


The conversation stayed on race for a little longer. He asked me if I dated outside my race, and I laughed saying I’m from south Florida, where it’s a melting pot.  I directly answered by saying yes, I dated someone who is white.  Fortunately, the conversation shifted when a song came on (Despacito, no less).


Before I knew it, it was time for me to head home. My brother (fortunately) met me at Tom Grainey’s and we walked to our car.


Here’s the thing: I understand that I don’t live in South Florida. I’m cognizant of where I live. I lived in New England where diversity is not as prominent as West Palm Beach, Florida.  Despite this awareness, it’s not always easy to deal with certain uncomfortable situations:

  • My curly hair has been “patted” and touched like I’m a cat. A man while leaving a bar stroked my head and said it’s so soft like my cat’s fur
  • I was minding my business at a local bar (I won’t mention where), when I felt someone grab my right arm forcing me to dance with him to Despacito (I guess this song is an open invitation to dance with anyone who looks Hispanic because of course we want to dance to it). Rather than acknowledging that he startled me, he whispered in my ear that I need to relax and that he wasn’t like every “corny white guy” in Boise.
  • Could I cross off being with a black girl off his bucket list? (no, this is not a joke)
  • Being told that he voted for Obama and does that qualify him to make me want to date him. Soon after asking me that, he dropped an entire PBR on my leg with no intention of picking it up.
  • Constantly told how exotic I look (I guess it’s a compliment, but not when it’s repeated over and over by the same person and the inappropriate time & place).
  • Never seen a black girl with freckles before

I say this because I want to give you some context to what I have to say next. It’s not like I haven’t been told something similar to what I’ve mentioned before. It just seems to me it’s been happening more frequently than I’d like. For those who are open-minded when it comes to dating, please understand this. If you meet someone from another race or ethnicity from yours, and they are showing interest, I don’t think it’s wise to start off any  any discussion about “have you been with a ________ before?” Unless the person asks. If I asked Mr. Officer whether he’s dating/talked to someone outside his race, I’m curious and want to have a discussion with it.  I’m only speaking from my experience, but that type of comment makes the person uncomfortable.


And this goes two ways. My 2nd serious boyfriend in my life is white. He is 6’4, with deep blue eyes, and surfer tan skin. He was also raised in Naperville, IL and apparently raised around all types of cultures/races. That said, when I first met him, I kept saying comments in a joking way like I never dated a white guy before or you must like mixed girls if you’re talking to me.

I’m cringing as I write these comments because I can’t believe I said that.


My ex finally said something and told me it made him uncomfortable when I said those comments. It made him feel as though race was a big part of our relationship. I failed to realize he constantly thought he wasn’t good enough because of his race. Or he felt insecure when we would be out in public (yes, even in Fort Lauderdale, FL).  I didn’t need to add to his feelings by making my own insensitive comments, regardless if a joke or not.


I was younger, of course, but I learned a valuable lesson then. That lesson is what I brought with me to Portland, ME. I ended up having some weird situations while I lived there too. But the situations were few and far between.


 

Fast-forward to now, I don’t talk to Mr. Officer anymore. He did text me apologizing for being MIA because he’s been sick. And I got some random SnapChat photo of his groin area (he was wearing jeans). He immediately messaged me saying “Sorry, my SnapChat is acting up.”  My brother thinks it was mistake photo, but still.

Weird.

 


 

I’m taking a break from dating in Boise. I truly am. I have so much more positive elements in my life to focus on  that dating isn’t a priority. At least not in Boise. If I end up going on a date, I need for him to “wow” me. Make me stop in my tracks. Impress me with his desire to spend time & get to know me. Until then, I highly doubt I’ll have any dating stories to share in the near future. Don’t worry – I’ll have some fun Dating in the BOI stories to share that are not mine. I’ll even host some Dating in the BOI activities.

But as for me, I’m signing off as the primary dating blogger.

 

 

Dating in the BOI: 7 Fun 1st Date Ideas

 

Thanks to the ladies in my Girls Night Boise group, I have a creative list of first-date ideas when dating in Boise. Even if it’s not your first date, here are some date night ideas you can impress your lover with:


  1. Grab a Scooter, get a picnic basket, and zip around Boise.

Scooters are fun, and they add this layer of exhilaration any couple would enjoy. You can either take the picnic to a romantic spot in Boise (Julia Davis Park, Ann Morrison Park, or Camel Back’s Park), or end your scooter adventure at a romantic restaurant.


  1. Be a big kid at Wahooz

This is my personal favorite because the dates with my then-boyfriends started off carefree and casual. Think about how fun it’ll be to tap into your inner kid again. No pressure of highly romantic dates. This is a personal preference, but I’m a big fan of fun and casual dates. Why?

  • Be slightly competitive, fun & flirty while playing mini gold
  • Jump in a go-kart and race each other & see who wins
  • Have fun as you play laser tag
  • Get to know each other over a slice of pizza
  • Take some of those classic photo booth pictures

 

Plus – it’s my way of seeing if a guy is hyper competitive and if whether he can be silly & relaxed. Not take himself too seriously. It’s also an excuse for me to wear a cute top, some boyfriend cut jeans, and throw on my Converses.


  1. Get Your PAC MAN on at SpaceBar Arcade

Talk about bringing it back, in an entertaining and fun way. Who doesn’t old school arcade games?  SpaceBar Arcade is this cool spot located below Dharma Sushi and Thai on Capitol Blvd in Downtown Boise. You know you’re in the right spot when you see the line of old school arcade machines for your perusing.  Head to the bar to grab some drinks. You’ll notice an 80s movie playing one these 3 small TVs in the corner. And it’s a VHS that’s playing (my younger audience may need to google what a VHS is.) If you want to tape into your Nintendo skills, grab a seat on the couch with your date and start playing!

I’ve been to the SpaceBar Arcade to hang out, but never on a date. This is on my list.


  1. Tap into you artist at Ceramica

Calling all Demi Moores and Patrick Swayzes (Ghost movie reference). Well, maybe not so much like that scene, but you can get together and paint your own pottery piece. It allows both of you to tap into your creative side and see how each other creates. You can even give each other your masterpieces once they are ready.


  1. Hiking & Grab Healthy Smoothie Afterwards

 

With plenty of hiking trails, you have many opportunities to have your first date be an active one. You can see beautiful Boise while getting to know each other. After burning off some calories, you can grab some healthy cuisine at places like Fresh Café Boise.


  1. Capital City Market + 8th Street Brunch

Since I’ve experienced the Capital City Market for the first time last weekend, I can definitely see it being an ideal place for a first date. You can take your time exploring all the various vendor tables, buy each other fun gifts, and take your time strolling as you talk & connect. It’s low key enough to where you don’t have that high  pressure to keep chatting. Plus, you can be flirty in a less-than-obvious way. Maybe that’s me talking because I’m not the best with all of that flirty stuff. After taking your time walking around, you can then head over to one of the restaurants on 8th Street: Juniper, Eureka, Wild Root Café, Bittercreek Alehouse, and Red Feather Lounge. You can even venture off 8th Street and head over to Bacon or St. Lawrence Gridiron.


  1. Get Your Laugh on at Liquid Laughs

You can’t beat having a good laugh in at your first date. It’s an ideal way to break the ice between 2 people. Why not head over to Liquid Laughs for your first date? I haven’t been to liquid laughs, but I know it’s a place I’m adding to my date night bucket list. You can grab dinner beforehand at Solid, or Bardenay, or P.F. Chang. You can walk over to Liquid Laughs, sit next to each other, and enjoy being entertained. Afterwards, you can maybe walk around downtown and keep the conversation going.


This is my PART I of my 1ST date ideas. Big special thanks to my girls night boise special ladies for their dating ideas and input: Taylor, Ashley,  and Crystal! Stay tuned for plenty more ideas.

Dating in the BOI: Ghost of the Ex

Being single — whether it’s in Boise or another city — there’s moments where you feel like there’s a ghost of boyfriend (or girlfriends’) past.


What do I mean?

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my recent dating experiences and the takeaway from each one. I feel it’s essential given I’m not having the most positive experiences.


(BTW: there’s a few stories I have yet to share. Stay tuned!).


One common denominator is that none of them have elevated to a level of genuine seriousness.  I mean, there is one person I chatted with on the phone (a must for me if I’m investing in getting to know a guy, especially if I can’t see him physically). That won’t lead to anything, especially after meeting him before my trip to Asia.


This is where ghost of boyfriend’s past comes in.


I don’t share much on my blog about my personal life, but I think it’s important for this post.


My most recent relationship was the one where I underwent the most change: love, adoration, pain, hurt, sorrow, laughter.


Backstory:

I met Mr. Handsome (that was my name for him in my cellphone) in late 2012, during my last year of law school. He was my escape. After being highly engaged as a student, I was in need of my own space from my law school duties.

Insert Mr. Handsome.

  • Tall (6’4)
  • Older by 3 years (which I prefer)
  • Dreads
  • Father
  • Worked in education

Over the course of November & December, Mr. Handsome and I had a connection that i hadn’t had since my last boyfriend.


We:

  • Talked on the phone every night during the week (he had his daughter on the weekend due to a temporary custody visit schedule)
  • Met up at a location between our respective places we lived ( i lived in Portland, ME and he lived in Auburn, ME)
  • Usually met either at the LL Bean in Freeport or a McDonald’s in Gray, ME
  • Talked for hours ( I remember he and I being tired the next day because we were out too late)

After about 6 dates or so, he asked me while we were packing up from a night of bowling:

Mr. Handsome: Can we be daters?

Me: Daters?

Mr. Handsome: Yes (shyly).


We’ve been on 6 dates (Mr. Handsome loves numbers and he would remember dates & periods of time).

I thought it was cute, because he was basically asking if we could be exclusive.


That was the beginning. During the course of our relationship, I thought I found my person. He was corky (some thought weird) but ideal for my outgoing personality, introduced me to his interests, we had our own language and ways of talking to each other, and our own routine.


But lots happened in between:

  • Met his little girl (took 6 months to meet her, which I’m proud about)
  • Met his family
  • Moved in together
  • He won primary custody of his daughter
  • Broke up
  • Moved out
  • Got back together
  • Broke up
  • Got engaged
  • Broke up
  • Moved away

Yes, did you catch that? We were engaged.


See, the thing is that our relationship was complex, filled with raw emotions, real substantive heavy issues, and lots of back and forth. I thought engagement would be the best next step.

No, unfortunately not.


I’ll just say this: sometimes you can’t fall in love with the potential or hope of what the person will become. Mr. Handsome had (hopefully past tense) deeper issues that would rise to the surface . I don’t question whether or not he cared for me, but he couldn’t reciprocate the love I needed in return.


Thus, broken engagement left me distraught and having to leave the life I built in Maine.


Now, I’m here in Boise, living a life I always imagined. Working in a field I love, enjoying new experiences, meeting new people.


So why am I saying all of this?


I know a few of you who read my blogs (thank you!), whether married or single, go through the motions of relationships. If you’re single like me, there will be moments where you think of the times with those from your past.


Last year before moving to Boise, I wouldn’t entertain those thoughts. I buried them so deep inside, I’d forget about my time with my ex, the life we could of had, and the life I left in Maine.


With these recent dating experiences, I’m  realizing I’m attempting to absolve myself with any thoughts of my previous life. Most of these dates have been fillers — people I entertain for the hell of it.


The issue with this method is that nothing is absolved. It’s a temporary fix. None of them give me that feeling of Yes, I’d like to learn more about him. Don’t get me wrong, some I’ve had a connection with. Maybe it’s a Virgo thing or maybe it’s my personality (or a little bit of both), I don’t quickly fall for someone. Honestly, it takes me quite some time to establish a real connection with another person. I do not share the “real” me until I feel they are worthy.


I’m using this post to celebrate what I’ve got from my past relationship with Mr. Handsome, and remember that I’ll meet someone again that’ll give me that feeling.


Artifacts from the Ex:

  • Enjoy watching English Premier league and US Soccer
  • Hard to listen to Bob Marley Songs
  • My jeep (his dad helped me select it when car shopping)
  • Blue Memphis sweatshirt
  • My gray calf boots (his mom gave them to me)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Tirtles (his daughter loved watching the cartoon)
  • Can’t drink Blue Moon (his fav)
  • Hard to look at lead singer of Rage Against the Machine (someone said he looks like him when he had dreads)
  • Appreciation for running (his fav way to stay in shape)
  • Learning that I cannot wait for the day to become a mother

When dating someone who has children from a previous relationship, it can be challenging — especially if you break up. The hardest part of the breakup was saying goodbye to his little girl. I lived with her for over a year. My bond with her was deep, rich, and impacted me in ways I can never truly express in words. From her hugs to her personalized handmade letters, she gave me a snippet into what life may be like as a (then) step mom. Saying goodbye was heart wrenching and a moment of my life I would not want to re-live.


Moving forward, I plan to focus on my priorities. And I’ll admit (finally), dating isn’t one of them. I’m no longer interested in spending time on the whole let-me-get-to-know-you show.

  • Wasting time respond to a text
  • No longer responding to subtle attempts to seek attention
  • Deactivate my dating profiles
  • Cutting someone out the moment they play stupid & ridiculous games

These next months, I’m going to Date Myself.

Yes, that’s what I said.

Do things I’ve put in the back burner, such as:

  • Get back into running
  • Get back into reading
  • Get back to aimlessly roaming a city with no expectations
  • Get back into going out with my girls
  • Get back to event planning & having a good ol’ time
  • Get back to ME

Ghost of boyfriend’s past is a reality. I acknowledge it, and I’ve grown from it. Cheers to new beginnings and always believing in love and finding the one who fits you best.

 

Dating in the BOI: 7 Type of Guys On Tinder

I know you’ve heard me talk about Tinder, and let’s not forget my most recent experience with Mr. McNasty. 


These Tinder pitfalls had me think about the type of guys I’ve come across while a single on Tinder. Of course, my list does not paint a general brush of ALL men on Tinder. That would be 1)wrong and 2) unfair to those decent men on Tinder.


Based on my experiences, here are my 7 type of guys you’ll find on Tinder:

  1. GUY WHO ONLY HAS PICTURES OF HIM AND HIS FRIENDS

On the surface, this does NOT seem like a horrible characteristics of a Tinder profile. It is an issue, however, if ALL of the photos are with his friends. I mean, should I have to play HIDE AND SEEK when looking at a profile?

I wonder who the guy is.

No, that’s not what I want to play when I’m already on a dating app.

Makes me wonder if this a strategic move, especially if it appears most of the friends in the photo are relatively attractive.

Or tall.

Or smiling.

Dating in the BOI Tip: It’s normal to have photos of your friends. Just don’t make them ALL of your photos.


2. GUY WITH TOO MANY SELFIES

Nothing is wrong with a selfie — here and there. It’s a whole other ballgame when EACH and EVERY photo is a selfie. Let’s review the type of selfies I’ve seen:

  • Duck face selfie
  • Just-worked-out selfie
  • In-my-car-casually-driving selfie
  • After-shower selfie
  • I’m-trying-but-not-trying selfie

Dating in the BOI Tip: Please don’t bombard your entire Tinder profile to all selfies. It makes it seem you are obsessed wit your looks.


3. GUY WHO STARTS A CONVERSATION TO NOWHERE LAND

I mentioned this in my Guys You Find on POF blog post. It’s basically Mr. Time Suck.  Here’s a typical conversation:

Mr. Nowhere Land: Hey, what’s up?

Me: Nothing much. How are you?

Mr. Nowhere Land: Nothing much.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Why start a conversation if CONVERSING is not your purpose.

Dating in the BOI tip: Don’t embark on the journey to nowhere land.


4. GUY WHO MATCHES BUT NO MESSAGE

Unlike Bumble (app allegedly to be female-friendly where the female has to initiate the conversation), the unspoken rule of Tinder is the man initiates the conversation after he matches. It’s intimidating to send a man a message, especially for a woman, because we don’t want to seem like 1) we are CHASING the guy and 2) we seem DESPERATE. I typically give a guy I matched with 2 weeks before I write him off. I’ve had experiences where they haven’t logged into Tinder for a few days or even weeks. I believe this because I do it!

Disclaimer: this is an unspoken rule, and it applies to my heterosexual experiences.

I have PLENTY of idle matches sitting in my Tinder app. And, most likely, they will remain idle.


5. GUY THAT NEVER ACTUALLY WANT TO MEET

There was this one match on Tinder, and he was so eager to meet. He would consistently message me, and I was interested. When it came time to finalize the details, I would get a constant “reschedule” or a “too busy.”

Buddy, really?!

OK, that’s fine by me. I  K.I.M (KEEP IT MOVING) when it comes to these type of guys. If you are not careful, this person will ultimately become a TIME WASTER!


6. GUY WHO ONLY HAS PICTURES WITH OTHER GIRLS

Like with the guy who has only photos with his bros/friends, there is also the guy who only has photos with girls. And these are the photos with NO explanation (for example: my sister, my cousin, etc.). I question some accounts where there is only photo of women because I wonder:

1) is this a couple looking to spice up their love life?

2) does this guy want to brag about his contact with beautiful women?

3) are these past girlfriends he is showing off?

I have no clue. But whatever the reason is, I swipe LEFT. No interest whatsoever.

Dating in the BOI tip: Diversify your photos. More importantly, if you have photos with other women, it’s best to clarify it in your bio. Don’t leave it up for interpretation, unless that’s your point.


7. GUY WHO IS ON REPEAT

Have you ever had to delete & re-download the Tinder app? Yes, I have. I deleted it a few months back, then I re-downloaded it soon thereafter. That said, there has been moments where I have matched…

and matched…

and matched with the SAME GUY.

This situation has occurred multiple times here in Boise!

What’s more comical is that these guys have evolved into #4 above: GUY WHO NEVER MESSAGES.

This  is my take on the 7 most common type of guys I’ve seen on Tinder. There are a few who I haven’t categorized (like Mr. McNasty), but this is a common thread I’ve seen over the course of my time on Tinder!


Do YOU have a horrible Tinder story?

What about a success story?

I’d LOVE to hear it! Send an email to theboisebucketlist@gmail.com.


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